I think I died a long time ago.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
