you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
