I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How does one acquire holy water?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
