I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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