All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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