Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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