i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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