Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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