twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
