I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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