i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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