I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
