Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
