Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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