we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
