so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
