Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
