i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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