i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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