Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
