I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
