i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
