Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Im part way to drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
