Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
