The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
