Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
