i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
