Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
