Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
