there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If that was your dad, he is hot
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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