i jhust puked up my retainher.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
