The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
