got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
