This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
