Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My ass is underappreciated
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
