Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
