Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
