lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
