The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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