was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
