Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize