Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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