jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
