420 ftw
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
be right there i have to get my cape
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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