You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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