I just made out with a guy for $7.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
and you fell through a lawn chair
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
