4 words: hood of his car
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
