he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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