If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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