I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
