He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
