I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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