neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
