He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
