he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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