Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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