At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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