No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
