If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
