Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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