Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
