Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We're too hungover to prance.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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