your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
