Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
