so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
