My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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