Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I need help removing her.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
