Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
