This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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