I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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