Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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