ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
