Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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