In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
