im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
