you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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